Saturday, May 28, 2011


This is very last minute post, but the writer in me had to take up the challenge. Please enjoy the story below based on this image,

That spring could have been the best of my life. Warm and blue, with blossom smells and green lawns. It was a chance for me to take in the great outdoors and learn about the big world that I heard so much about but had never really seen.

Museums, parks, antique shops, the new town I now called my home had it all. In a former life these places would have held my interest, but not now.

The gate stole all my attention, the old broken buildings behind them calling out their history. Every time I came to it my heart would beat faster and my hands would shake, but I couldn't stay away. I had to know about that place. The secret of it haunted my dreams.

The day the wrinkled man stood on its lawn was the day my life would change. I had never seen anyone on the other side of the gate, and I was too curious to let it go.

"Excuse me, Sir? Do know about this place." I ventured in shaking voice.

The old man kept his back turned and his body ridged. It was clear he hadn't heard my call.

I cleared my throat and worked to make my voice the biggest I could muster. "Sir!"

He slowly turned then, really looking at me for the first time. My whole body reacted to the sight of him. My chest tightened, my hands turned sweaty, and goosebumps crawled over my skin.

He had no eyes, just endless dark pits that sucked you into eternity. His clothes where spattered red and torn. A lump caught in my throat as I forced myself to look at all of him. To confirm what I already feared.

For the first time in my life, I saw a ghost.


This post was part of the snapshot challenge over at Thumbin' My way.


The Thumber said...

Yes! You are of the same mindset as I am. Nicely done. We actually stayed at a guest house on this manor two years ago. The ruin was next door, and I swear that more than once I saw shadows in the windows of that old building out of the corner of my eye. It was absolutely magical!

Thanks for participating. I hope you enjoyed it!

J. A. Bennett said...

I had blast! Thanks for hosting :)

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Gave me chills.

Joross Barredo said...

Cool freaky scary post :)

V said...

Wow! You did an amazing job at this Jen! I loved it! But I also think that if the last line "...I saw a ghost." wasn't there, it would've been even more creepier because everyone will keep wondering what the hells wrong with the man. It's just a suggestion from a crazy idiot. Please ignore her :)
If I had to write something based on this photo I'd have ended up with one pathetic line "Oh! I just kept staring at the damn gate". lol:D

J. A. Bennett said...

V - you know I thought about that, I even removed it a couple of times. But I liked the idea of the reader wondering when else the girl saw ghosts.
If I had a bigger word count to work with it may have gotten even freakier, lol!
That one line you wrote, is awesome!

Persian Poetess said...

Eek! You had some frightening tension building up till the end. At first I thought it was going to be a nostalgia poem. Boy was I wrong O_O!

sYda (@kreativenotions) said...

Wow...nicely done! A delightfully, chilling little read. :)

Rory Grant said...

I enjoyed that :) Very evocative!


Mommy LaDy Club said...

Great job! I think I agree with V to leave off the last line, but I'm looking forward to more great reads like this from you. It's a nice treat, and different from a lot of blogs out there. Cheers from VoiceBoks:)

Mommy LaDy Club said...

Hi Jen, thanks for coming by Mommy LaDy Club and for your comment! I was just thinking it would be so nice if you wanted to write up your "Mr. Darcy" story, being the writer you are? We have a page dedicated to that, and actually our first submission coming this week. I'm looking forward to a really nice collection of stories over time. Let me know if you're interested, and here's the page...