Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Forbidden Love

Well hello there faithful readers (and new initiates)! It's great to see you all this morning! Why am I in such a chipper mood? Well,  I FINISHED MY BOOK! Yes, finished. I'm getting ready to send it off for it's first ever query in the next couple of days. Let's just hope it stays finished ;)

In other news, I'm almost at 200 followers! I feel a giveaway coming on....

Now onto the purpose of today's post, which is to participate in the fabulous blog hop hosted by none other than Lilly McFerrin (super cool chick and awesome critiquer). The theme is Forbidden Love and there are prizes involoved including a free query critique to any and all who enter. So get on it!



Without further ado, here's my story:


Rena Lowrey stood on the edge of her world. The train rickited by not ten feet in front of her, stinging her face and causing her brown hair to fly into her nose and stick to her lips. The horn blared as the last car passed, pushing her backwards with the force.

Chase Graten stood on the other side, that devastating half smile crossing his lips. His skin was dark with the sun and his shirt frayed at the edges. Proof of just how far apart his world was from hers.

He crossed the tracks, sweeping Rena into his arms and spinning her around.

Rena sighed into his shoulder. "How long do you think we have?"

"A minute, two if we're lucky."

He set her on the ground and took her hand. "Ready to run?"

"Do you think they'll catch us?"

"Most likely, The Watchers won't let us get far."

Rena nodded.  She knew how dangerous it was to love someone on the other side of the tracks. It meant giving up her life of safety and privilege for the life of a fugitive. She pulled at his hand and their legs started to move.

It ended before it began.

A huge winged creature swooped down from the sky, scooping them up in his leathery arms. Rena squirmed and kicked, but soon they were too high off the ground.

Chase found her arm. "I will always love you, this doesn't change anything."

She wanted to tell him that she loved him too, but the wind caught in her throat and the words wouldn't come.

The Watcher dropped them into pile of sand and Rena had to claw her way out, coughing in sputtering.

Chase was by her side in a moment making sure she was okay.

“We’re alive,” she said. But she didn’t know how long it would last. No one ever survived when The Watchers came for them.

20 comments:

LE Jamez said...

Think this is great, and leaving us not knowing how long they have together is so unfair :)

M.J. Fifield said...

Congratulations on having finished your book. The part about "let's hope it stays finished" made me laugh because it's something I'm all too familiar with. Good luck with the querying...

Kyra Lennon said...

Congrats on finishing your book! It's such a great feeling!

Kim said...

Wow! What a great piece of writing. Is this an except from something, or a short story?
And CONGRATS!!! on finishing your novel. Good luck with querying!

Emily R. King said...

Congrats on finishing your MS! I hope querying is successful for you.

Cassie Mae said...

Yay for finishing!! This sounds great my dear! :D

Deana said...

YAY!!! Isn't that the best feeling? Congrats on finishing your novel and getting it off to new eyes:)

Anonymous said...

You're well ahead of me. Congrats on finishing the book!!!!

LynNerdKelley said...

Congratulations on finishing your book. That's big. Cheers to you and best of luck finding the perfect home for it.
Forbidden Love - LOVE it! Definitely got me hooked. Is this the beginning of your next novel?

Lisa Shambrook said...

Oooh, I know that 'finished novel' feeling, hope the querying goes well (never had the courage to keep that end of the bargain!).
Loved your 'wrong side of the tracks' take on Forbidden Love, it started out like a traditional tale then pulled its punches as the Watcher arrived! Hope they manage to outwit them and survive...like no one else ever has!

Tara Tyler said...

congratuLAtions! way to finish! good luck w/queries!

and this piece was outstanding!

Bullish said...

Love your wrong-side-of-the-tracks take on the theme!! Felt like a futuristic West Side Story!! Thanks so much for joining the hop!! :)

Melanie Cole said...

Loved this!! It was such a short window but you created so much depth to your story. I really want to know where this one goes!!

Hildred said...

Congrats on finishing that book! And goodluck with the query!

Also, I enjoyed your story, especially the ambiguous ending. Good job!

The Golden Eagle said...

Congratulations on finishing your book! :) And on 200 Followers as well, since I see you've reached that number.

Great piece.

Diana said...

Just found your blog and am now following! Congrats on finishing your ms, hopefully I can get there one day. :)

Lillie McFerrin said...

Yay!!!! So exciting to finish a book :) And, thank you so much for entering the hop and sharing this creative piece with us! You rock!!!

Carolyn V said...

Hooray!!! The best feeling is when the book is done! Congrats!!!!

Peaches Ledwidge said...

Congratulations on completing your book.

The ending leaves me wanting to read more.

Janelle said...

Gosh, that was cool! Who or what are The Watchers? Where is this? Who are they? So many questions!
Actually for a while there at the beginning, you had me picturing a "Bonnie and Clyde" type duo, I figured they were a couple about to be on the run from the law!
Thanks for entering :)