In other news, I'm almost at 200 followers! I feel a giveaway coming on....
Now onto the purpose of today's post, which is to participate in the fabulous blog hop hosted by none other than Lilly McFerrin (super cool chick and awesome critiquer). The theme is Forbidden Love and there are prizes involoved including a free query critique to any and all who enter. So get on it!
Without further ado, here's my story:
Rena Lowrey stood on the edge of her world. The train
rickited by not ten feet in front of her, stinging her face and causing her
brown hair to fly into her nose and stick to her lips. The horn blared as the
last car passed, pushing her backwards with the force.
Chase Graten stood on the other side, that devastating half
smile crossing his lips. His skin was dark with the sun and his shirt frayed at
the edges. Proof of just how far apart his world was from hers.
He crossed the tracks, sweeping Rena into his arms and
spinning her around.
Rena sighed into his shoulder. "How long do you think
we have?"
"A minute, two if we're lucky."
He set her on the ground and took her hand. "Ready to
run?"
"Do you think they'll catch us?"
"Most likely, The Watchers won't let us get far."
Rena nodded. She knew
how dangerous it was to love someone on the other side of the tracks. It meant
giving up her life of safety and privilege for the life of a fugitive. She
pulled at his hand and their legs started to move.
It ended before it began.
A huge winged creature swooped down from the sky, scooping
them up in his leathery arms. Rena squirmed and kicked, but soon they were too high
off the ground.
Chase found her arm. "I will always
love you, this doesn't change anything."
She wanted to tell him that she loved him too, but the wind
caught in her throat and the words wouldn't come.
The Watcher dropped them into pile of sand and Rena had to
claw her way out, coughing in sputtering.
Chase was by her side in a moment making sure
she was okay.
“We’re alive,” she said. But she didn’t know how long it
would last. No one ever survived when The Watchers came for them.
20 comments:
Think this is great, and leaving us not knowing how long they have together is so unfair :)
Congratulations on having finished your book. The part about "let's hope it stays finished" made me laugh because it's something I'm all too familiar with. Good luck with the querying...
Congrats on finishing your book! It's such a great feeling!
Wow! What a great piece of writing. Is this an except from something, or a short story?
And CONGRATS!!! on finishing your novel. Good luck with querying!
Congrats on finishing your MS! I hope querying is successful for you.
Yay for finishing!! This sounds great my dear! :D
YAY!!! Isn't that the best feeling? Congrats on finishing your novel and getting it off to new eyes:)
You're well ahead of me. Congrats on finishing the book!!!!
Congratulations on finishing your book. That's big. Cheers to you and best of luck finding the perfect home for it.
Forbidden Love - LOVE it! Definitely got me hooked. Is this the beginning of your next novel?
Oooh, I know that 'finished novel' feeling, hope the querying goes well (never had the courage to keep that end of the bargain!).
Loved your 'wrong side of the tracks' take on Forbidden Love, it started out like a traditional tale then pulled its punches as the Watcher arrived! Hope they manage to outwit them and survive...like no one else ever has!
congratuLAtions! way to finish! good luck w/queries!
and this piece was outstanding!
Love your wrong-side-of-the-tracks take on the theme!! Felt like a futuristic West Side Story!! Thanks so much for joining the hop!! :)
Loved this!! It was such a short window but you created so much depth to your story. I really want to know where this one goes!!
Congrats on finishing that book! And goodluck with the query!
Also, I enjoyed your story, especially the ambiguous ending. Good job!
Congratulations on finishing your book! :) And on 200 Followers as well, since I see you've reached that number.
Great piece.
Just found your blog and am now following! Congrats on finishing your ms, hopefully I can get there one day. :)
Yay!!!! So exciting to finish a book :) And, thank you so much for entering the hop and sharing this creative piece with us! You rock!!!
Hooray!!! The best feeling is when the book is done! Congrats!!!!
Congratulations on completing your book.
The ending leaves me wanting to read more.
Gosh, that was cool! Who or what are The Watchers? Where is this? Who are they? So many questions!
Actually for a while there at the beginning, you had me picturing a "Bonnie and Clyde" type duo, I figured they were a couple about to be on the run from the law!
Thanks for entering :)
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