Monday, July 11, 2011


I believe people enter our lives for a reason, and when someone molds your path, it's hard to let them go.

It was eighth grade, and I was 13 and awkward. My friends where the outcasts, the ones who later became druggies and jailbirds. All I want is to be accepted.

In walks Rachel, the new girl in my history class. She has long dark hair and perfect chocolate brown eyes. She is too cool for me, and I know it. One day someone tells me that Rachel will be my new next door neighbor. I am elated, here is my chance to fit in, to be as cool as she is.

The first time she comes over to my house, she sees what a mess I am in. She somehow understands that I am being taken advantage of by a guy. I gave in to him because he was popular, because that's all I wanted. She saved me before it went too far.

I don't think I ever told her how she changed my life by moving in next door. I didn't need to. It was clear I didn't know who I was. Rachel was a singer, and an actress. I wanted to be her, I leaned on her to find my way out of the darkness.

Fast forward three years later, to high school. Rachel is still my best friend but something is changing. She's the star of all the school plays while I sit in the background harmonizing. I still want to be her because she's always known who she is. But she is ready to be free, ready to step into the spotlight.

When it comes to college we go our separate ways. I meet my husband and get married, Rachel continues in her path to stardom. The only thing is, I still want to be her friend. How can I let go of a person who shaped my life so much?

Looking back now I wish I could change things. I wish I had realized the stage was never for me, I wish I had respected her for who she was and been my own person.

Tomorrow, Rachel is moving to New york. She is finally going to be on Broadway. She is leaving me behind for the last time. There is no going back and changing things. I wonder if she will even remember who I am by years end.

Sometimes someone comes into your life for a reason, and you can't let go. Today I am writing this because it is time for me to say goodbye, to leave my awkward insecurities in the dust. To wish Rachel well and be myself. To finally let go.


Ava Jae said...

Sounds like letting go will be the best thing, but I doubt either of you will forget the other--even if she does make it big on Broadway. :)

Angela V. Cook said...

Beautiful post :o)

Chantele Sedgwick said...

What an amazing, honest post. I have a few friendships that I still remember trying so hard to hold on to. I don't see some of those people anymore, but I do know I still consider them friends. I still care about them and always will. Even if I don't see them very often.
I know you won't forget each other. Even if you have very different lives. :) **hugs**

Taylorm1984 said...

Jenny you are so sweet! :) And I'm pretty sure she will always remember you. She remembers me and I wasn't even close to being her best friend...she can't forget someone she was so close to for soooo long!

Jessie Humphries said...

At first I thought this was a story you were writing...but it's not. Its your true story. And its a beautiful one. Thanks for being brave enough to share.

Jen Daiker said...

What a beautiful post. My first time here and already I'm a fan.

This was such a raw and honest post. I hate having to say good-bye. I know that there are certain people who come and go but I always have a problem with the 'go' portion of it all. Sometimes you wish they were always in your life.

V said...

I loved this post! :)

J. A. Bennett said...

Thank you guys for your support! I had a hard time writing this, and I almost didn't post it. The thing that made me go through with it was the thought that, I have to be real in my writing. And if I wasn't going to be real now, when was I?

@Chantele - Thank you for that perspective, you're right, I will always see her as a friend even if we never speak to each other again.

@Taylor - you are one awesome lady who is hard to forget! And though Rachel may remember me, I know we will never be best friends again, although I wish it wasn't that way.

@Jen - You have captured my feelings exactly, if only we could chain the people we love close to us :)

TL Conway said...

Jen, I hope Rachel knows how important she was in your life. And I hope that someday, the person who thinks, "Jen was so important in my life and I never got to tell her," takes the time to write such a lovely post.

lafemmeroar said...

Letting go is bittersweet but sometimes it's for the best. We all have our own journey in life and I think it's just nice that people we meet along the way can impact our lives even if it's not meant to last forever.

LynNerdKelley said...

I thought I was reading a story, too, and I was drawn into it. This is so beautiful and heartfelt. Lovely writing.

Scott Niven said...

What a great and very honest post. Even with Rachel no longer in your life, she is still helping you learn more about yourself. Very powerful.

Melanie said...

Isn't it great that there are people in the world who seem to already know who they are and where they're going to help those of us who took a little longer along. Thank you for sharing such a raw and honest post.

cherie said...

I saw this on Twitter and read it and thought it was lovely and heartfelt. Thanks for sharing.

Lyn Midnight said...

Aww Jen, you always make me go aww. Haha. So there's no way she won't remember you because if there's one thing people don't forget is close friends during childhood/adolescence.

I had a friend before I started high school, my best. Then came my present best friend and she's remained so for most of my life, but I never forgot about that first girl who moved away and changed in a way that we didn't connect anymore. It happens.

But you'd never forget what she taught you. People are not always there to stay but more often than not they leave one hell of a lesson behind. Thus they can never be forgotten for that reason alone. I'm sure you taught her something as well. ;)